If you’ve been in your relationship a long time and the sex has become a little ho-hum, rest assured that you’re not alone! If you need to spice up your sex life again, you’re in a majority club that few people talk about.
In fact, a study done by the University of Toronto psychology team indicates that a majority of couple 1900 participants reported boredom with their sex life within a fairly short time frame of two to three years.
That’s not to say that the participants fell out of love with their partners. In fact, many of them were happily married. So, the emotional love still existed but what had happened to that spark that used to have panties dropping to the floor regularly?
Within that 2 to 3-year time frame, participants had seen their partner at their best, their worst, and at every phase in between. They became set in a routine of wake up, work, evening chores, bed, and start again over the next day. This cycle creates a comfort level and an opportunity for couples to start to take their relationship for granted—including their sexual relationship. So, does this sound like your relationship? Read on for some hints to rekindle that flame.
1-Make Sex a Priority
We make time for the things that matter. Think about your own priorities: a job to support yourself and family; time spent with the family; friends who are in need. Indeed, at some point, long-term couples stop making their sex lives a priority.
Some claim they don’t have the time, or they are too tired. Turn off the tv or log out of your social media accounts an hour early a few nights a week and invite your partner to do the same. You’ve just made the time for sex. Make sex a priority and you’ll stand a chance of re-igniting the spark.
2-Embrace Your Flaws
Some people become embarrassed about their appearance and let it interfere with their sex lives. They lack confidence. As we get older, we might gain a little weight, develop some sags, see our skin start to wrinkle, and simply close off due to this lack of self-confidence.
Given that we live in a world where everyone wants to be Insta-Worthy at all times, that’s understandable. Just remember, the filters come off even the most powerful social media influencers. Everyone has flaws. Your partner is with you out of love and won’t care about those few extra pounds.
3-Date Your Significant Other
Early in your relationship, you were on your best behavior. Dating is very different than marriage. You dress nicely, go to a romantic spot, and focus on getting to know each other. It’s how people fall in love.
Plan a date with your spouse once every week or two. Get a sitter for the kids. Don’t take your phones with you. Focus on each other. You’ll quickly remember why you fell in love in the first place.
4-Communicate with Your Partner in Bed
Some couples have regular sex but have lost the enjoyment. What was once skillful lovemaking has grown the same old, same old.
This is the person who you know best in the world and the one who knows you the best. However, your partner isn’t a mind reader. Tell him/her exactly what you want from sex. Whether it’s changing up positions or even experimenting with something a little saucy, feel free to speak your mind. You might just find that your partner welcomes the change, too!
5-Bring Back Spontaneity
Are you one of the couples stuck in a deep rut such as “Sunday-only Sex? That kind of boredom leads couples down a dangerous path. The outcome is frequently a bored spouse looking for some excitement in inappropriate or dangerous ways.
Shake things up if this is you! Surprise your partner with a spontaneous sexy Tuesday night (or any other night) proposition. See where the spontaneous attempts will lead you.
6-The Art of Kissing
Do you remember when you were dating? Goodnight kisses lasted a long time. Perhaps some even all night long. Are you lucky to get a peck on the cheek when you leave for work these days?
Introduce the art of kissing back into your relationship. Kissing is one of the most intimate acts of love. So, grab your partner’s adorably familiar face, look into his/her eyes, and go in for a long, slow, sexy kiss or two. It might get your motor running again.
7-Resume Your Old Positions
Are you a straight-up missionary couple and bored to death? Take the time and make the effort to try new positions…or old positions that you haven’t bothered with in years. Think back to the sexual positions that turned you both on so much in the beginning of your relationship.
If you haven’t tried any other positions in the past, now’s the time to try. They will be stimulating, satisfying, and they could the key to taking you from “ho-hum” to “oh, yeah.”
8-Get in Touch with Yourself
If you don’t know what you like, how can you “coach” your partner? Masturbation will help you learn where you prefer to be touched and what touches feel best. It will help you get in touch with yourself (literally!) so that you can guide your partner.
Better yet, invite your partner to watch you masturbate. I bet the sexy little show will get them in the mood in double time.
9-Location, Location, Location
Location, location, location. The real estate mantra can also be applicable to your sex life. Always have sex in bed? Try changing up the location. The couch. The shower. The kitchen counter. When you change the location, you will likely also change the positions in a natural way without needing to have an awkward conversation as you are adapting the position to your surroundings.
10-Visit a Toy Store
There’s no shame introducing toys into the bedroom. Some couples are inhibited by these purchases, but don’t be! They add a fun element and allow you and your partner to work together while experimenting to see how the toy gives each of you a newfound sense of pleasure. I can’t think of a more fun way for a couple to sexually reconnect.
Life gets in the way of sex for an overwhelming number of couples. While not all will admit it, this is a common problem. Take charge of your sex life by engaging with your partner and trying out these tips. You and your partner will both find emotional and sexual pleasure from this renewed sex life.